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A BATH FOR TWO WHO HAVE FURTHER PLANS

There is a book in my private library which has been sitting on the shelf for some time. It contains wonderful oil mixtures for baths for two.

As the book is out of print, I would like to disclose one wonderful recipe. Look for non-synthetic ingredients, but buy high-quality organic oils!

Ingredients for a bath for two who have further plans:

10 drops of sandalwood

4 drops of ylang-ylang

3 drops of jasmine

1 – 2 spoonfuls of vegetable oil, for instance jojoba

Mix the oils according to instructions in a little bottle and shake well before adding into your bath water.

Sandalwood, which comes from India, has a velvety-warm, balsamic and exotic-sweet scent of wood, which is said to have a euphorigenic effect. The scent of the oil is supposed to strengthen feelings of happiness and set off sexual energies.

Well then, I wish you sensual pleasure!

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WHAT HAS THE ‚SIXTH SENSE’ GOT TO DO WITH THE 6th FEMALE CHAKRA

You’ve either got it, or you haven’t, people say. I am talking about the ‘sixth sense’, this extraordinary ability which enables us to perceive far more than our five sensory organs allow. Everybody has got a sixth sense, but usually women are more likely to use it than men. We listen to its signals and messages when we have to make decisions, or we sense something that is in the air but not (yet) visible.

Have you ever thought the so-called sixth sense might have something to do with the sixth energy centre? The sixth chakra is situated between the eyebrows, and is also called the ‘third eye’. Why? Because we can ‘see’ and perceive more with it, than with our physical visual organ, the eyes.

OUR ANCESTORS CLOSED THE ‘THIRD EYE’

But why do we women still question our sensitive perception? Do we refuse to accept abilities which connect us with other levels and other worlds? Because they are not scientifically proven? Because we are not taken seriously? Because we are laughed at?

If we go back in time, a few centuries, we come to a dark age, where thousands of women had to die, in the most excruciating pain, on the stake. Because they saw more than others (both in the past and future), because they ‘knew’ more and had extra-sensory perceptions, and because they could heal in ways that could not be intellectually explained.

Many of our female ancestors had a strongly developed sixth chakra. However, they closed it, as they feared to end up as witches on the stake, for their abilities. Even today, many women close their third eye. Their special abilities, such as clairvoyance, and being a medium, are still questioned, not appreciated, and degraded by the majority of people.

AS A WOMAN YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD SENTENCES LIKE …

  • “You are imagining things!”
  • “You and your esoteric stuff!”
  • “This can’t be scientifically proved.”
  • “You should rather deal with serious literature than spend time on chakra/meridian/kinesiology/TCM trainings.”
  • “I only believe you when I have seen it with my own eyes.”
  • “You are being carried away.”
  • “You should not believe all this crap about energy medicine. You are an intelligent woman after all.”
  • “Take antibiotics instead of this homeopathic stuff!”

WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH THE SIXTH CHAKRA?

Although the majority of women would say their intuition is placed in their heart because they follow their feelings, or in their stomach, because they trust in their gut feeling, it is actually situated in the sixth energy centre. The third eye works like a receiver-transmitter, absorbing all the vibrations and unspoken messages around us. It is commonly called ‘the sixth sense’.

In most cases, we women trust our intuitive perception, and our subtle sensors, more than men. And it is mainly women who have developed clairvoyant and medial abilities. Not because they can do it better than men, no. But generally, they are more likely to allow it.

They have to take unjustified criticism and blame. However, it is mainly women who write books, offer courses, and trainings, about energetic, subtle and spiritual topics, and provide healing work. It is not unusual that women have ‘inherited’ the abilities for supernatural perceptions from their mothers or grandmothers.

TYPICAL TOPICS RELATED TO THE SIXTH FEMALE CHAKRA:

  • doubting intuitive perception
  • suppressing supernatural abilities
  • not following the call of one’s heart
  • allowing others to make one feel unsure
  • being judged for one’s truth
  • keeping spiritual experiences secret
  • hiding clairvoyance

The following table (according to C.N. Shealy and C.M. Myss, The Creation of Health, 1983) shows the disorders that can correlate with a weak sixth female chakra:

organs mental and spiritual areas possible physical disorders
Sixth chakra brain

eyes

ears

nose

pineal gland

 

 fear of self-judgement

intuitive abilities

knowledge

abuse of intellectual abilities

inadequacy

fear of new ideas

paranoia and fear

refusing to learn from experiences in life

 neurological disorders

learning difficulties

brain tumour/brain haemorrhage/stroke

blindness/deafness

problems with the spine

fits

HOW CAN WE REBALANCE THE SIXTH FEMALE CHAKRA?

Just as with all the other chakras, there are various ways to strengthen and balance the sixth chakra:

  • through physical exercises, or yoga, on the energetic level
  • with the help of body-energy-work
  • with the help of mediation
  • on the emotional level through talk therapy, family settings, kinesiology, astrological sessions, etc.
  • on the mental level through positive thinking, mental training, etc.
  • on the spiritual level through transformation of karmic blockages or oaths with the help of spiritual tools
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WHY A POSITIVE BASIC ATTITUDE IS SO IMPORTANT IN A PARTNERSHIP

You might have noticed that I publish articles on partnership on my women’s blog from time to time. My readers often give me feedback along the lines of: “Why should it always be the woman who works on a partnership? It’s time for men to do something!”

Yes, I understand the frustration! And NO, I do not like thoughts like: “If you don’t do anything for our relationship, I won’t do anything either!”

In my opinion, it should not matter who takes the first step to examine, clarify or start a constructive change in a troubled relationship. In many cases, it is us women! Of course, we cannot sort out a partnership without our husbands and partners. We should, at least, know what makes a relationship happy and fulfilling again.

Therapists, who work with couples in their practice, could fill libraries with their experiences. Some actually write books with their tips. For example the German psychotherapist Hans Jellouschek.

A POSITIVE BASIC ATTITUDE IS A KEY PILLAR OF A PARTNERSHIP

According to Jellouschek, a positive basic attitude is one of the key pillars of a happy relationship. This attitude should exist in every partnership anyway, but in the course of time, with many couples, it diminishes. Whereas, a positive atmosphere, is mainly a matter of course, at the beginning of a relationship, when partners are convinced they are the perfect match, many couples have to make a conscious effort to improve their relationship after some time.

The enthusiasm about a partner decreases over time, as more and more characteristics appear which do not seem thrilling. Later this may become breeding ground for unhappiness, stress and arguments in relationships.

COUNTERING NEGATIVE ATMOSPHERE WITH POSITIVE FEEDBACK

Therefore, it needs conscious perception and counteraction to make room for genuinely positive energy in a partnership, where negative moods are slowly taking over. The first step is honest communication and positive feedback, such as, “I like your reliability”, or “I like your laugh!” or “I am so happy you are part of my life.” This sort of communication often happens on a nonverbal level, through a smile, a touch, looks and gestures.

A LACK OF DEMONSTRATING LOVE DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN A LACK OF LOVE

And now I would like to approach a topic which I have already mentioned in another article, the gender-specific differences between men and women in communication. Evidence shows that verbally expressed positive feelings have a much bigger impact on women than men. On the other hand, a lack of verbally expressed demonstrations of love by men is interpreted as a lack of love by women. In reality, this is not a real indicator of their love, but a lack of male ability to communicate.

As long as we try to make each other’s lives as pleasant, beautiful and enjoyable as possible, there will be a positive basic atmosphere in our relationships. This includes positive feedbacks which encourage, strengthen or please the partner.

I will write about another pillar of a happy relationship at a later time. In the meantime we can – together with our partner – care for positive energies in our relationship.

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¡NO INTENTES COMPLACER SIEMPRE A TODO EL MUNDO!

“No conozco la clave del éxito, pero la clave del fracaso es intentar complacer a todo el mundo.” (Platón)

¿Cuántas veces intentamos complacer a los demás porque queremos paz, evitar discusiones y conflictos, o porque buscamos amor y valoración? Aunque ya deberíamos haber superado esto, volvemos a caer de vez en cuando en estos viejos y probablemente adquiridos patrones de comportamiento.

El deseo de bienestar y armonía forma parte de la naturaleza de la mayoría de las mujeres y, así es cómo hacemos todo lo posible para que los demás prosperen y se sientan lo más cómodos posible. ¡Cueste lo que cueste! Para este fin, a menudo nos reprimimos, reprimimos nuestras necesidades, nos mordemos la lengua y asumimos la responsabilidad por otras personas y en situaciones que realmente no nos conciernen.

Lo más probable es que te encuentres en el camino hacia desprenderte de este patrón de comportamiento, o quizá ya te hayas desprendido y lo hayas dejado atrás.

Pero para mantenerte a salvo, hazte estas preguntas de vez en cuando:

  • ¿A veces digo SÍ cuando realmente quiero decir NO?
  • ¿Me descubro a veces intentando impresionar a los demás?
  • ¿No quiero que los demás me consideren egoísta?
  • ¿Me gusta evitar conflictos?
  • ¿Permito que mi comportamiento se deje guiar por las opiniones de otras personas?
  • ¿Es más fácil para mí estar de acuerdo con alguien en vez de imponer mi punto de vista?
  • ¿Me siento responsable del bienestar de otras personas?
  • ¿Asumo responsabilidad por otras personas adultas?
  • ¿Intento hacer felices a las personas tristes o melancólicas?
  • ¿Busco los elogios y valoración de las personas a mi alrededor?
  • ¿A veces olvido poner límites?

Es más fácil de lo que podrías pensar dirigirte hacia la trampa de complacer a todo el mundo y verte atrapado/a en ella. Después de todo, a veces es muy difícil reconocer dónde está el límite entre autonomía y heteronomía. Pero tan pronto como hayas identificado por qué deseas complacer a todo el mundo, puedes reconocer tu comportamiento y dar un giro en otra dirección.

Así puedes liberarte de la trampa:

  • Tómate tu tiempo para pensar antes de decir SÍ o NO.
  • Aprende a gestionar los sentimientos relacionados con los conflictos o desacuerdos.
  • No te sientas responsable de todo y de todos.
  • No pierdas de vista tus valores.
  • No siempre sigas la misma línea que otras personas.
  • Ten la valentía de ser fiel a tu opinión y necesidades.
  • Aprende a distinguir el amor propio del egoísmo.
  • No pienses sobre lo que los demás podrían decir sobre ti.
  • Sé fiel a ti mismo/a.
  • Establece tus límites, incluso aunque a los demás no les gusten.
  • No permitas que los demás te manipulen.

Aunque no siempre es fácil desprenderse de patrones de comportamiento adquiridos, ¡merece la pena intentarlo!

 

Allgemein Women
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DO NOT ALWAYS TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY!

“I do not know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” (Plato)

How often do we try to please other people, because we want to have our peace, want to avoid arguments and discussions, or are seeking for love and appreciation? Although we should already know better, we fall back into these old and probably acquired patterns of behaviour from time to time.

The wish for well-being and harmony informs the nature of women to a large extent, and this is why we do our utmost so that others thrive and feel as comfortable as possible. Cost what it may! To this end, we frequently restrain ourselves, suppress our needs, bite our tongue, and take responsibility for other people and situations that do not really concern us.

You are probably already on the way towards shedding this pattern of behaviour, or you have already discarded it and left it behind you.

But, to be on the safe side, ask yourself the following questions from time to time:

  • Do I sometimes say YES, when I actually want to say NO?
  • Do I sometimes catch myself trying to impress other people?
  • Do I not want others to regard me as egotistical?
  • Do I like to avoid conflicts?
  • Do I allow my behaviour to be guided by other people’s opinions?
  • Is it easier for me to agree with someone rather than pressing my own point?
  • Do I feel responsible for other people’s well-being?
  • Do I assume responsibility for other adults?
  • Do I try to make sad or glum people happy?
  • Do I strive for the praise and appreciation of the people close to me?
  • Do I sometimes forget to draw the line?

It is easier than you might think to walk into the trying-to-please-everybody-trap and be caught in it. After all, sometimes it is very difficult to recognise the fine line between autonomy and heteronomy. But as soon as you have realised why to want to please everybody, you can easily recognise your behaviour and steer it into another direction.

This is how you can free yourself from the trap:

  • Take enough time to consider before you say YES or NO.
  • Learn to bear feelings connected with disagreements or conflicts.
  • Do not feel responsible for everything and everyone.
  • Do not lose sight of your values.
  • Do not always take the same line as other people.
  • Have the courage to stand by your opinion and needs.
  • Learn to distinguish self-love from egotism.
  • Do not think about what others might say about you.
  • Remain true to yourself.
  • Draw your boundaries, even though others might not like them.
  • Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by others.

Even though it is not always easy to discard acquired or adopted patterns of behaviour. It is worth it!

 

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FOLLOW YOUR FEMALE WAY, BUT DON’T GET LOST!

In these times of ‘anything-is-possible-if you-really-want-it’ there are numerous offers, aiming to lead women to their own femininity. But, unfortunately, some of them lead nowhere. Why? Because women who look for their femininity by concentrating on external matters, trying to express their femininity with frills will never find their path. They remain on the surface instead of entering a deep inner process.

THE PROBLEM WITH MISTAKEN FEMININITY

More than ever, a huge sector of industry benefits from mistaken femininity these days. Fashion and cosmetic companies, beauty surgeons, and fitness gurus, direct the lives of many women every day, trying to tell them what they should look like, and what they should do (meaning what they should buy) to appear more attractive, and feminine, to other women (rivals), and men (prospective partner or playmate).

But genuine femininity has nothing to do with pretty dresses; even with women’s self-discovery courses, with women’s business, cosmetics, jewellery, sexy lingerie or so-called arts of seduction.

Because femininity is:

  • Not an attitude to life
  • not belonging to the female sex,
  • not a conscious decision to be a woman,
  • not emancipation
  • not a special orientation.

Real femininity is a primal force, an elemental essence, a certain inner awareness which women are naturally equipped with. However, it has been hidden and covered up by the mistaken image of femininity our society tries to promote.

BUT WE WOMEN DELUDE OURSELVES 

Our generation is living in times of great illusion and self-deception. The virtual world around us strengthens the belief that we women have to present ourselves as even better and more beautiful than we naturally are. Just think of digital techniques. We can alter photos, get rid of wrinkles, and fat, before we post them on Facebook and other social media networks. Or, before we attach them to our letters of application, or upload them on online dating-services.

The Swiss author Maitreyi D. Piontek has got to the heart of this mistaken femininity. She says that women spray themselves with artificial pheromones, enlarge their breasts with silicon, inject Botox under their skins, or spice themselves up with drugs. [1] Of course, this is not applicable to all women, but globally there is a strong tendency in this direction.

EVEN SPIRITUALITY IS SOMETIMES MISTAKEN 

Spirituality has not necessarily to do with religion; nor with belief, esoteric, meditation, yoga, tantra, alleged dual souls, Bach flowers, or healing stones. Because, also spirituality is something like an elemental essence which we women naturally bear inside. No matter whether we are aware of it, or not, our mind rejects it, or not. Femininity and spirituality are like two sisters who are close.

In trying to escape from the spiritual-commercial labyrinth, in which many women have trapped themselves in a search for their femininity, it needs courageous women, women …

  • who walk their individual path,
  • who want to get in contact with their feminine soul again,
  • who want to abandon the commercial woman,
  • who want to rediscover their spirituality, and live their femininity.

Let’s return to the widespread belief that you have to work hard, and train long, to gain more femininity. The fallacy is that neither spirituality, nor femininity, can be assimilated, or trained, with special exercises. Women carry femininity and spirituality deep inside. It is more about freeing ourselves from old, rigid layers of mistaken femininity.

ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR OWN FEMALE PATH? 

There are various ways to rediscover and live your own femininity. It needs a genuine desire and an honest self-responsibility because …

  • old clichés have to be abandoned,
  • male and female polarities have to be recognized,
  • the female roots have to be discovered,
  • emotional injuries have to be healed,
  • and female healing has to be allowed.

You can imagine how important it is that, particularly now, many women care about their ‘female return home’. But it is even more important that YOU start finding, and living, your individual path.

[1] Piontek, Maitreyi. D.: Weibliches Manifest, München 2009, S. 25.

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TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS: MEN ARE DIFFERENT, US WOMEN TOO

No, I do not want to use the usual clichés! Yes, I would like to make us women aware that most of the men are different to us women. It is important to recognize these differences, understand and accept them. Just like Yin and Yang – the female and the male – are contrary but are part of a whole, we people are the same. And although we women sometimes wonder, or are angry, about the strange behaviour of our men, we should be aware that there are not only physical, but also mental and emotional differences, between men and women.

WOMEN LIKE TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS

Many men have been brought up to suppress their feelings; the exceptions are anger and fury. They have been told to remain controlled or relaxed in difficult, or dangerous, situations. Their fathers, and other men, show them verbally, and non-verbally, that to show feelings is a sign of weakness.

Therefore, as soon as they are adult, they find it hard, when their wives demand to know how they are, and what they are feeling. However, the majority of women want to talk about feelings openly. This is why it is hard for them when communication about feelings with their partner proves to be tough and tiresome. And is probably quickly concluded.

Women react to tense and challenging situations emotionally, whereas men might only shrug their shoulders, not feeling like talking about the topic at hand. This is why some men occasionally think women have more emotional problems than they actually have. Simply because women approach these subjects, and they don’t.

“AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY …”

Anne Moir and David Jessel, the authors of ‘Brain Sex’ claim that women have a more efficiently organized language centre than men. It is situated at the front of the left brain hemisphere, whereas the same functions in the male brain are located in the front and back of the brain. They think this is the reason why men don’t like to talk about feelings as much as women do.

Anyway, studies show that women not only express their own feelings better, but also perceive other people’s emotions better than men. In tests where they had to recognize feelings from photos, they scored much better than their male counterparts. They also perceive the emotional content of a brief conversation better than men.

Maybe we should remember these innate (and possibly strengthened through education) differences, before we next ask our loved ones the unpopular question, “What do you feel at the moment?”.

A series of blogs for women which can help us to see men with new eyes, and understand them (even better). If you want to know more on this topic, I recommend the book ‘You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation’ by Deborah Tannen

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ANETTE KEUCHEL. WHEN WOMEN CHANGE THE WORLD

The RESTLOS GLÜCKLICH looks like a typical Berlin in-restaurant: damaged walls and tables in retro-look. Menus handsomely written on black slate boards, by Anette Keuchel, reveal what chef Daniel is just preparing in the kitchen: beetroot soup, homemade gnocchi in parsnip and carrot sauce, avocado chocolate brownies, with banana and soya mayo. (1)

The 39 year-old Berliner avoids wasting food both in her private and professional life. Some weeks ago, with others she opened Berlin’s first leftover restaurant. She only uses food that has been rejected by supermarkets, or farmers: crooked carrots, speckled bananas, or apples with blemishes.

The expression ‘food from rubbish’ makes her feel uneasy as she is aware that companies which she cooperates with do not voluntarily dispose of the food, and look for constructive solutions. For her it is very important not only to save food in her project, but also to make people rethink. Because, only in Germany, about 18 million tons of food end up in the rubbish every year, 7.2 tons from private households.

In RESTLOS GLÜCKLICH guests can experience how accidentally purchased and happily mixed together ingredients make delicious meals. Anette hopes to influence her customers positively. Maybe people are encouraged to be more aware when they choose their next purchase, or develop more creativity when looking in the fridge the next time.

Incidentally, Anette’s idea is the result of a holiday in Denmark. She discovered the restaurant RUB & STUB in Copenhagen which used food that otherwise would only have decayed. With friends and activists from the food-sharing scene she developed a business plan, and started a crowdfunding-campaign.

This inspirational woman herself still works part-time as a foreign language correspondent. Only the chef Daniel, the manageress, and the event manager, are employed full time. Everybody else works there in a voluntary capacity. If you want to change the world you need enthusiasm and passion. And that type of person is on the increase. Even if pessimists suggest otherwise.

Anette Keuchel, 39, opened the first German leftover restaurant in Berlin-Neukölln, the ‘Restlos glücklich’ (Kienitzer Str. 22).  The mother of two daughters (aged three and seven) works there in a voluntary capacity alongside her part-time job as a foreign language correspondent. What she most enjoys is serving at tables and chatting with the guests.

(1) I discovered Anette Keuchel – along with other amazing women who change the world – in the magazine BRIGITTE (19/2016). Photo: abendblatt-berlin.de

Women