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WHY FEMININITY AND FEMINISM ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

We women are often accused of being all feminists or women’s libbers, just because we have clearly professed ourselves to our femininity in recent years. Yes, we live being a woman more consciously than before, and we are just about dealing with and healing the female collective injuries of the last thousand years.

But also we women are not sure what we exactly mean by femininity, feminism and emancipation.

FEMININITY

For me femininity has definitely to do with this female primal force which is inside us, and which we can only experience and feel with the heart. Femininity is not controlled by the brain or mind, it simply exists. Some call it the divine feminine in every woman.

Femininity has got a lot to do with inner wisdom, with female power and strength, and does not have to be trained. However, it was suppressed by our patriarchal society for centuries, so that it has to be revived again. Because we women are not always aware how strongly we are still influenced by male behaviour patterns. It is not really surprising, as many women have to survive in a patriarchal environment every day.

FEMINISM

Swiss women did not get the right to vote until March 1971. They had to fight hard for it. And it took 19 more years that the voting rights for women were granted in all the cantons! So it really needed loads of feminist fighting spirit to enforce these fundamental rights for the female population as well.

Already in the 18th and 19th century some women knew that they had to fight for acceptance and equal rights in society. And since then feminism and emancipation – liberation from oppression – have gone hand in hand to stand up for the dignity and self-determination of women.

HOW MUCH FEMALE FIGHTING SPIRIT DO WE ACTUALLY NEED?

Whereas femininity comes from the heart, feminism is guided by the brain. Basically both are good because in order to survive we need the heart just as much as the brain. But shouldn’t we increasingly transform this intellectually-shaped fighting spirit into female wisdom, female strength and serenity.

Is it not true that we should remember the amazing female primal force within ourselves.

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO FIGHT?

Do we really have to fight for our rights in the traditional, male dominated way? Or should we rather focus on women’s inner realignment, and the rediscovery of femininity which goes with it? Are these not much more effective, authentic and powerful than any fight?

As long as we women stick to our male-dominated behaviour patterns, as long as we do not focus on our true femininity, as long as we see the fight for equality as the only chance to prevail and assert ourselves, we are only paying lip service to femininity.

WE DO NOT NEED A FIGHT BUT RATHER FEMALE WISDOM, POWER AND STRENGTH

Fortunately, we can notice a collective remembering of our female primal force all over the world, although it is partly overlapped by feminist characteristics. Many women are on the way to healing their own and collective injuries.

In these times of great transformation that we live in, an increasing number of women recognize that we do not need the struggle, but women’s wisdom, power and strength to balance the male and female in the world, and therefore trigger off a positive realignment.

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MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS

They love each other.

They love and need each other.

They love and support each other.

They love and ignore each other.

They love and annoy each other.

They love and hate each other.

They love and fight each other.

There is hardly another emotional connection between two people that polarizes as much as the relationship between mothers and daughters. Sons already start in their early childhood to distance themselves from their mothers, and start to turn to their fathers, or other male contact persons as models. Normally mothers accept this as they want to see their sons become independent and strong men one day.

IT IS DIFFERENT WITH THEIR DAUGHTERS

For daughters, their mothers are the perfect example of female being. Many girls identify with their mothers, take them as role models, imitate them – or totally refuse them, due to disappointments, or physical/emotional injuries.

Mothers nourish their daughters: they give them nest warmth, comfort, encouragement, understanding, and are their closest confidant. In the eyes of little girls mothers know everything, calm things down, perform miracles in the kitchen, and are successful in their jobs.

Mothers encourage their daughters to take on the roles they have shown them because they know them and identify with them. However, one day, at the latest during puberty, this close relationship changes.

Daughters disentangle from their mothers, and often fierce battles arise. The release-process, which boys experience, step by step, from an early age, strikes mothers and daughters at the time of puberty. Some women are not able to disentangle from their mothers without painful emotions and guilty feelings which persist into old age.

The course for the education of the girl is already set. It is shaping for the whole life. The first years decide whether mothers encourage their daughters in being a woman, weaken them, inspire, or restrict them. It depends on the individual woman how they handle or get rid of these impressions.

HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:

Who actually is my mother?

Why is she the way she is?

How has she disappointed me?

How have I disappointed her?

What does she suffer from?

Do I have a vision of how my mother should be?

Do I idealize her?

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TAKE TIME FOR YOUR FEMININITY. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH WOMEN

I remember the time in my life when I used to hold women’s evenings in my home. I was a single mother then, and I loved to dive into the energy of this group of women.

I was not aware that we women should always look for the presence of other women to joyfully and consciously immerse in the femininity which connects us. Or to strengthen ourselves and recharge in the female energy field.

These meetings do not even have to aim for serious or profound conversations. No, there can be laughing and fooling around. Simply the coming together of women who appreciate and like each other, and want to be there for one another, is a precious present in our male-dominated time. Just spending a few hours with women only, strengthens and nourishes our female basic strength within us.

So what discourages us from organizing private women’s meetings or little women’s parties from time to time? Or just being together with women to give support, strength, comfort and attention regularly? No matter where these meetings take place, in a private home, in a restaurant, on the beach or during a walk: let us take more time consciously for our femininity, and let us dive into the connecting feminine energy field!

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WOMEN, STAND UP FOR YOUR FIGURE AND YOUR BODY!

She started to work as a model at the age of twelve, and today she is one of the best known and most sympathetic curvy models of the world. Ashley Graham from Nebraska (USA) is now 29, and had problems to be accepted the way she is, because of her figure (she wears size 16).

“Actually you are quite pretty for your size!” or “You could earn much more money if you lost weight!” These sort of sentences made her feel angry and hurt. But she transformed this hurt into strength and made it on to the international catwalks. However, she did not only go this path for herself, but to represent many other women who are unhappy with their bodies because they do not correspond with the current ideal of beauty.

Obviously Ashley’s development did not happen overnight. She had doubts about her appearance, and lost faith in herself as she was continually made to feel insecure by others. Even her ex-partner did not accept her as she was.

Ashley overcame these crises with the help of friends, and her mother, who kept telling her what a precious person she was, and that she was able to do anything she wanted. Her current husband has also given her the strength to be herself, and accept and love herself for the way she is.

THE WORLD WAS NOT READY FOR CURVY WOMEN

Today Ashley knows why it took so long for her career to start, and why fashion photographers and magazines noticed her relatively late to book her as plus-size-model. The world was not ready for strong women like her (with a positive double meaning).

Only in recent years – and this is down to social media – have fashion companies started to get interested in using Ashley as model. She is representing a large group of women who have so far been neglected by designers as potential customers. So far, well-built women simply did not fit into the fashion world’s rigid ideas of ideal body sizes, and shapes.

AGAINST SLIMNESS MANIA AND FOR A NEW BODY FEELING

Therefore, Ashley stands for a new method of emancipation which wants to guide women away from slimness mania to a positive body feeling. Many women confirm her success. Ashley has been overwhelmed with grateful responses from them. She encourages them to stand up for themselves, and their curves. And due to Ashley’s role model effect these women dare to wear bikinis in public for the first time.

Ashley, “Beauty is a question of attitude! I do not see myself as model only but also as body activist! And it is not only about sizes! I want every woman to know, no matter what skin colour, or problems they have got: there are many out there who feel like you. So show what you have got!”

Source: myself 4/2017, Photo:telemundo.com

 

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TAKE TIME FOR YOUR FEMININITY

In the rush of everyday life we often do not find the time to become aware of ourselves, and our femininity, and to celebrate it.

Therefore, we should keep turning our attention to the little situations in everyday life where we can really focus on ourselves and be ourselves, such as the time spent under the shower. We should become aware of our female body, appreciate, and spoil it. It is important to lovingly perceive it as a temple of our female soul, no matter how tall or small, heavy or slim, with firm skin or not.

I personally love the scent of roses, and only use shower gels with natural ingredients, or from vegan production. Even if they are more expensive than the mass products from the supermarket, I prefer them.

As I have a very dry skin, I first shower with an oil bath (or I use organic coconut oil mixed with sea salt), and then I enjoy a short shower with a blossom shower gel.

After drying, I spray my aura essence ‘Sara-la-Kali’ over my head into my subtle energy field. On the energetic-spiritual level this essence activates all the feminine aspects we women have inside us, but which have been buried for various reasons.

Now the day can start with a conscious focus on our femininity, or gently come to an end in the evening.

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IF PATIENCE IS NOT ONE OF YOUR STRENGTHS

Quick solutions are not always the best. Many of us have realized that. However, we still rush through life as if there was no tomorrow.

At school we were already trained to be fast. Top results in the shortest possible time were expected. I remember very well, the whole class sweating during a test because the amount of work had to be done in an extremely limited time.

Pace seems to have become a mistaken quality feature in our time. We want to handle too many things at the same time, and therefore our diaries are full up. Believe me, I know what I am talking about…

But where does this madness take us? How can we stop it? Or: can we actually make an end to it?

HOW YOU CAN RESCUE YOURSELF FROM THE IMPATIENCE-TRAP?

REMAIN REALISTIC

Before your impatience tears you to pieces, you should admit that it is mostly very difficult to change yourself, or things in your life. A good thing takes time – and changes take time. Therefore, it does not make sense to put yourself under pressure to lose weight, to improve your tennis, or to learn a foreign language. It seems more sensible to take time to make positive progress. And don’t forget to celebrate intermediate success!

DO NOT TAKE ON TOO MUCH AT A TIME

Women especially are used to a daily routine full of duties: children, family, partnership, job, household, friends and free time are squeezed into a 24-hour-day. Then we wonder why we cannot feel ourselves any more. And if there is a queue at the cash desk, or we get stuck in a traffic jam, our nerves are exposed. We would only have to check our time management every now and then, and let go of some of our appointments, then we would suffer less from the energy thief impatience.

LEAVING COMPETITIVE THINKING

Let’s be honest! Our friend manages more at the same time, our neighbour creates a magical 5-course-menu in no time, our sister runs 15 kilometres at a fabulous speed. And we would like to keep up! We want to prove to ourselves and others how good and how fast we are. Maybe we should ask ourselves whether we really need this competition. Or has the impatience with ourselves got something to do with our self esteem? Only if we honestly recognize it, and work on it, can we free ourselves from this trap.

ACCEPTING STAGNATION AND DEAD-END-ROADS

Do you always assume that life has to keep moving? Do you freak out when changes or other situations drag on unexpectedly?  Welcome to the club! However, we should be aware that also a river cannot flow at the same pace all the time: sometimes it has to fight against rocks in the water, then it is so flat and shallow that it almost comes to a standstill. If we accept the fact that our stream of life and success sometimes slows down, or that we are allowed to end up in dead ends, because they bear learning tasks for us, then we won’t lose nerves in stagnating situations.

ALLOWING OTHERS THE TIME THEY NEED

I could sometimes jump up and down if others can’t keep my pace. (And I am not talking about jogging which I am not so keen on.) No, I mean quick decisions, quick reactions, change of direction, or fast perception. But, am I really entitled to judge others by their pace? Wouldn’t it be fairer to accept everyone’s own pace? Apart from this, who says that my pace is the right one? As soon as we accept that others live their lives at their pace, as soon as we work on our flexibility and tolerance, we can make the experience that our counter-productive impatience turns into patience.

The more you become aware of the daily impatience-traps, the better you can avoid blundering to them. It acts like every other habit we want to get rid of:

  • First we have to recognize it
  • Then we have to develop the desire to change it
  • And finally we have to work in small or bigger steps to put our knowledge into practice.

Of course, this does not only apply to you, but also to me and many other women. If patience is not one of your strengths… you know that you are not alone. And, therefore, it is on you and us all, how we handle the topic in the future.

 

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WHY ENVYING OTHER WOMEN WILL GET YOU NOWHERE

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best, the fairest, the most successful, the most desirable or the cleverest of them all?” How often does this unspoken question appear on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and on other social media platforms! Essentially, comparing oneself with others is a positive thing. After all, it can help us improve our understanding of ourselves or assess the behaviour we display in different situations even better.

Comparing ourselves with others can also strengthen us in times of crisis, especially when we realise that we are not alone with our problems, but that others make similar experiences or have to deal with similar challenges.

COMPARING ONESELF WITH OTHERS CAN BE CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE

Constructive comparisons with others can spur us on to make changes or improvements when we honestly try to refine ourselves. But in many cases such comparisons elicit pure envy. Namely when we

… are discontented

… do not make the most of our talents

… feel at a disadvantage

… begrudge others their success

… see that others live our dreams

… make others believe that we feel much better than is actually the case.

Preferably, we compare ourselves with people with whom we have a lot in common or who are in similar job or life situations. And social media actively supports us in doing so.

Therefore, it would be worth consideration to analyse one’s own life first, in order to find out if it is actually “worth” it to envy others. Many things that seem enviable at a first glance, look entirely different at a second glance. After all, the price many people have to pay for being envied by others is frequently too high. Therefore, the comparison and the envy are quickly put into perspective, because one should take into account all aspects, including the compromises and sacrifices that someone has to make for their “enviable” life.

FEMALE COOPERATION INSTEAD OF FEMALE COMPETITION

Something that always cuts me to the quick is the competition that is openly or secretly going on between us women. As long as we women think of each other as rivals, we will always want to “win” or at least have the edge over each other. We want the most handsome man, the most perfect shape, the most flawless complexion, the smartest children or the most profitable job. But a lot of precious energy falls by the wayside in this pointless competition, and this does not make us happier at the end of the day.

As long as we women compete with each other and envy each other, we close our minds to our female elementary power. Because we compete with each other and envy each other, we focus our energies in a direction that neither gets us nor others anywhere. On the contrary! We display a kind of behaviour that is strongly informed by patriarchal ideology, which we actually should dismiss altogether. After all, the female power, which is inherent in every woman, is able to develop inner greatness and individuality, while at the same time not begrudging other women their otherness and happiness.

 

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NO LONGER GET IN YOUR OWN WAY AND DO NOT ENVY OTHERS (10/10)

10 steps for women who eventually want to fulfil their potential (10/10)

Wilhelm Busch once said that envy is the most honest form of recognition

Whereas jealousy means ‘I want to have what you have’, being envious means ‘I want to have what you have, and I do not want you to have it!’. While a little bit of jealousy adds a certain amount of flavour to a dish, like salt and pepper, envy means emptying the whole pepper mill on it.

Furthermore, envy indicates a lack of self-worth, and hints at self-pity, which results in comparing oneself with others, and feeling disadvantaged.

And the other way round: if we feel envied, it is the unspoken confession that we are better or more successful, or simply luckier. At least, at the first, more superficial glance. However, if you take a closer look at the spiritual laws, you will discover that everything that happens to us is the result of cause and effect.

Envy is of no benefit because…

  • you benefit more from concentrating on your own life, needs and successes
  • you are happier when content with what you have
  • it is better to concentrate on your abilities and talents rather than peering at others
  • it is better to define personal levels and priorities
  • envy can destroy relationships, which you definitely do not want
  • envy weakens your self-worth, your self-esteem, and your self-confidence, which is the last thing you want

THOUGHTS ON THE TOPIC ‘ENVY’

  • Nobody knows what is going on behind the closed doors of other people. Maybe they pay a high price for their success.
  • Envy is like poison. It has a direct effect on your body and weakens it. Nelson Mandela once said that envy is like drinking poison, hoping that it might kill your enemies. Envy always works against you!
  • If you are envied, do not be offended or angry – the successful German TV presenter Robert Lembke used to say ‘Pity you get for free, envy you must earn’.
  • Watch yourself and recognize in which situations you feel envy and why. Only when you see through your behaviour patterns, can you consciously work on them.
  • Admit to your insecurity, your frustration or self-pity in connection with envy. You do not have to be ashamed! But the longer you suppress these emotions, the deeper you go down the spiral of envy.
  • Change your point of view of life, and abandon your role as a victim. As long as you believe you were disadvantaged as a child, and still are as an adult, you will always envy other people. Realize that other people’s lives, which you probably envy, are not perfect, or without problems.
  • Stop thinking about what is fair or not. You do not know about the higher plan behind other people’s lives. You have no idea about their learning tasks and developing steps, and what challenges they have to face. Maybe their hardest learning tasks feel easy for you.
  • Have the courage to change your living conditions if you are unhappy. Nagging, envy and moaning only cost valuable energy, but are of no use. Oh well, as the saying goes: change it, love it or leave it!

 

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WHY I BECAME A VEGETARIAN

For ten years my parents tried to make me eat what normal people eat. They eventually succeeded. In the first ten years of my life I refused meat and dairy products. And I still do not like onions, garlic and leeks. And there is more…

I remember very well when I slowly started to eat cheese at the age of eight. A strange thing indeed, considering my father held a leading position in a local dairy. It was no problem for me to eat bread and butter, therefore, my mother mixed mild cheese spread with loads of butter, so that I got used to the taste of cheese. The next step was bread and butter with thinly sliced cheese. Even this became normal for me, so I turned to stronger cheeses, until I ended with really stinky ones. Everybody was proud of me!

AS A CHILD I FELT DISGUSTED BY SAUSAGE

I also found sausages disgusting! But this is a different story. Today, some decades later, I am aware that I was born as a semi-vegan. Of course, this did not fit into the prevailing habits of the society I grew up in. Many children have a natural instinct, and feel exactly what is good for them and what is not. During my days as a kinesiologist I often experienced that children are allergic or intolerant to food they did not want to eat originally (but were often forced to).

For some years I have been vegetarian for ethical reasons, moving towards becoming vegan. I am not interested in facts and statistics which say it is unhealthy to eat meat. No, I just don’t like meat because I don’t want to eat dead animals. And this includes fish and seafood.

WHY WE LOVE DOGS AND EAT PIGS

I always find it amazing that loving owners of horses, dogs, cats, hamsters or guinea pigs eat a rare steak without turning a hair. The American social psychologist Melanie Joy has written an interesting book on this topic: ‘Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, And Wear Cows’.

She says you should imagine the following scenario: you are invited to a festive dinner at friends’. Together with the other guests you sit at a nicely laid table. The room is pleasantly warm, candle light is reflected in crystal glasses filled with wine. There is relaxed conversation. You can smell tempting aromas coming from the kitchen. You have not eaten anything the whole day, and your stomach is rumbling. After some time, which seems a lifetime to you, the host appears with a steaming bowl of stew.

The scent of meat, spices and vegetables is drifting through the room. You help yourself generously. After you have tried the tender meat, you ask the host for the recipe. She happily reveals the secret by telling that she first takes five pounds of golden retriever meat, well marinated, and then… Golden retriever? You are petrified! The meat in your mouth comes from a dog. And now? Would you continue? Or does the thought of Golden Retriever on your plate, which you have just eaten, repel you?

REPRESSION KEEPS SOME FROM EATING MEATLESS

What is going on here? When we think of a golden retriever, we see a dog in front of us, playing ball with children in a garden, dozing in front of the fireplace, or running alongside with a jogger. These images raise sympathy and compassion for the killed dog, and disgust at  the thought of eating this animal. If we deal with beef, however, we skip this part of the process of perception which connects the meat with the cow.

I do not count myself as a militant vegetarian who condemns others for eating meat. People have different reasons why they do not want to exclusively live on vegetables, grain or fruits.

Why do I publish this text on my women’s blog? Because in my experience, it is basically us women who influence the eating habits of our families and therefore, indirectly of our society.

However, an increasing number of children and teenagers influence us adults to do without meat. They simply refuse to eat animals for ethical reasons.

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STOP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY AND LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND!

10 Steps for women who finally want to fulfil their potential

A proverb by John Knittel states that you are old as soon as you have more pleasure in the past than in the future.

Are you one of those people who are in the present physically but their mind is still in the past? It is very hard, if not impossible, to discover and live your potential in this position!

You feel torn inside, wasting your resources on people and situations that have a completely different, or possibly, no role in the present.

Maybe you want to take a few minutes to reflect on the following questions:

Why you are sometimes stuck in the past?

  • Do you not get old, burdening situations, failures or wrong decisions out of your mind?
  • Do you regret missed chances and opportunities?
  • Are you incapable of forgiving yourself for something in the past?
  • Are you scared your best days might have gone?
  • Would you like to turn back the clock to take another direction at a crossroads in your life?
  • Is the future a major cause of concern to you?

How you can mentally bow out of the past

  • Take time very consciously to think about something from the past that you cannot get out of your mind. Take a regular time for this, for example 20 minutes in the evening. When the time has elapsed, deliberately turn your thoughts to something totally different. You will probably be able to stop, or at least control your thoughts from going round in circles.
  • Replace your thoughts about the past by consciously chosen positive plans. If you, for instance, continue to dwell on past quarrels or arguments, then firmly say to yourself “STOP!”, and then think of something beautiful, such as a holiday, a celebration or a relaxing day.
  • Imagine your future in the best possible way, plan the first steps, and start realizing them. This gives you no more time to think about the past.

How you make peace with the past

  • Learn to recognise facts from feelings! Emotions can be agonizing, take much space, suck energies, and often do not have anything to do with reality. Sometimes you might be carried away by fantasy. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
  • Appreciate the experiences you have made in difficult situations in the past. Totally accept them. It is no use struggling with the past, so therefore, learn your lessons gratefully.
  • Change your view of the past! If this is hard for you, imagine yourself as a neutral observer, and realize that it is mainly your emotions that do not let you rest. Try to pay attention to the facts, not the feelings, that connect you with the event in the past.
  • Allow yourself to enjoy the present and look ahead. Even if you have lost someone very close to you, and must now live without them, it is important to learn to enjoy your life to the full again.

 

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