No, I do not want to use the usual clichés! Yes, I would like to make us women aware that most of the men are different to us women. It is important to recognize these differences, understand and accept them. Just like Yin and Yang – the female and the male – are contrary but are part of a whole, we people are the same. And although we women sometimes wonder, or are angry, about the strange behaviour of our men, we should be aware that there are not only physical, but also mental and emotional differences, between men and women.
WOMEN LIKE TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS
Many men have been brought up to suppress their feelings; the exceptions are anger and fury. They have been told to remain controlled or relaxed in difficult, or dangerous, situations. Their fathers, and other men, show them verbally, and non-verbally, that to show feelings is a sign of weakness.
Therefore, as soon as they are adult, they find it hard, when their wives demand to know how they are, and what they are feeling. However, the majority of women want to talk about feelings openly. This is why it is hard for them when communication about feelings with their partner proves to be tough and tiresome. And is probably quickly concluded.
Women react to tense and challenging situations emotionally, whereas men might only shrug their shoulders, not feeling like talking about the topic at hand. This is why some men occasionally think women have more emotional problems than they actually have. Simply because women approach these subjects, and they don’t.
“AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY …”
Anne Moir and David Jessel, the authors of ‘Brain Sex’ claim that women have a more efficiently organized language centre than men. It is situated at the front of the left brain hemisphere, whereas the same functions in the male brain are located in the front and back of the brain. They think this is the reason why men don’t like to talk about feelings as much as women do.
Anyway, studies show that women not only express their own feelings better, but also perceive other people’s emotions better than men. In tests where they had to recognize feelings from photos, they scored much better than their male counterparts. They also perceive the emotional content of a brief conversation better than men.
Maybe we should remember these innate (and possibly strengthened through education) differences, before we next ask our loved ones the unpopular question, “What do you feel at the moment?”.
A series of blogs for women which can help us to see men with new eyes, and understand them (even better). If you want to know more on this topic, I recommend the book ‘You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation’ by Deborah Tannen