STOP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY AND LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND!

10 Steps for women who finally want to fulfil their potential

A proverb by John Knittel states that you are old as soon as you have more pleasure in the past than in the future.

Are you one of those people who are in the present physically but their mind is still in the past? It is very hard, if not impossible, to discover and live your potential in this position!

You feel torn inside, wasting your resources on people and situations that have a completely different, or possibly, no role in the present.

Maybe you want to take a few minutes to reflect on the following questions:

Why you are sometimes stuck in the past?

  • Do you not get old, burdening situations, failures or wrong decisions out of your mind?
  • Do you regret missed chances and opportunities?
  • Are you incapable of forgiving yourself for something in the past?
  • Are you scared your best days might have gone?
  • Would you like to turn back the clock to take another direction at a crossroads in your life?
  • Is the future a major cause of concern to you?

How you can mentally bow out of the past

  • Take time very consciously to think about something from the past that you cannot get out of your mind. Take a regular time for this, for example 20 minutes in the evening. When the time has elapsed, deliberately turn your thoughts to something totally different. You will probably be able to stop, or at least control your thoughts from going round in circles.
  • Replace your thoughts about the past by consciously chosen positive plans. If you, for instance, continue to dwell on past quarrels or arguments, then firmly say to yourself “STOP!”, and then think of something beautiful, such as a holiday, a celebration or a relaxing day.
  • Imagine your future in the best possible way, plan the first steps, and start realizing them. This gives you no more time to think about the past.

How you make peace with the past

  • Learn to recognise facts from feelings! Emotions can be agonizing, take much space, suck energies, and often do not have anything to do with reality. Sometimes you might be carried away by fantasy. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
  • Appreciate the experiences you have made in difficult situations in the past. Totally accept them. It is no use struggling with the past, so therefore, learn your lessons gratefully.
  • Change your view of the past! If this is hard for you, imagine yourself as a neutral observer, and realize that it is mainly your emotions that do not let you rest. Try to pay attention to the facts, not the feelings, that connect you with the event in the past.
  • Allow yourself to enjoy the present and look ahead. Even if you have lost someone very close to you, and must now live without them, it is important to learn to enjoy your life to the full again.

 

Women Women&Consciousness

STOP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY AND GIVE UP YOUR FEAR OF CHANGE!

10 Steps for women who finally want to fulfil their potential

James Gordon says that there is no such thing as people with or without willpower… There are people who are ready for change, and those who are not.

Fear of change … who does not know this? No matter whether it is a job change, a separation, a move, or a stylistic type of change. Many people are scared of not being able to cope with change, of making the wrong decision, or being criticized or rejected by others due to change.

Then there are the changes which are beyond our control. They strike us from the outside, such as being abandoned, losing a dear person or being faced with an illness.

Life is like a string of pearls full of changes

However, let’s stick with those changes we can decide upon, we can influence and consciously control.

It might be worth remembering that our life is a continual stream of changes, no matter whether we want them or not. They are either the result of certain stages in life, such as

pregnancy – birth – infancy – childhood –  puberty – adulthood – death,

or own decisions – and, of course changes of other people who we are closely connected with.

How to successfully handle changes

Some changes are rejected from the start, and therefore, blighted, before they have even been well thought out. It would be helpful to write down the pros and cons to gain an overview of the possible effects of a change. Sometimes our gut feelings play a trick on us, but as soon as we put the facts down, our fears are shrinking.

Sometimes life is almost crying out for change but we simply do not want to think about it, due to the strain and consequences. However, many of the things we do not change, will be changed through others … not always to our advantage!

Everything has got its time quality, therefore the right time for change is very important. If we postpone changes, we might miss the ideal time, which consequently results in more effort or hassle. We may be pushed into a passive role which stops us from being able to make our own decisions.

It may also occur that we blandish situations that should be changed, until we find no real need for change anymore. This head-in-the-sand policy only offers supposed protection for a short time, but may end up in a real mess.

We have often said to others, ‘I can’t’, whereas we really mean ‘I don’t want to, leave me alone!’ Which brings us back to the quotation at the start. Of course, there are situations, where we have been weakened, or we are mentally not capable of generating changes on a large scale. But we should honestly question ourselves as to whether we are using an excuse.

Needless to say, there are situations in life which confront us with changes, we cannot, or we can hardly influence. However, all the really important decisions may turn our life upside down, but, in the long term, contain the chance of a much better quality in life, or a personal developing step. Believe me, I know what I am talking about!

Women&Consciousness

STOP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY AND GIVE UP YOUR FEAR OF BEING ALONE! 10 Steps for women who finally want to fulfil their potential (3/10)

Susanne, a long-standing client, once told me that she was already 32 when she first went into a restaurant for dinner on her own. She felt watched by all the other guests which, of course, was not the case. It was her who could not handle this unusual situation. Why? Because for all her life she had gone out with her parents, her friends or her husband. She never thought that she could do this alone as well.

Why do so many women still have a problem with being alone?

Three answers immediately come to my mind:

  • Because they are scared of loneliness
  • Because they feel pushed to the edge of society
  • Because they do not know what to do with themselves

Many women fear being alone most of all. They prefer living in less than perfect relationships, or remaining in unhappy partnerships to living a life by themselves.

Then again there are others, such as Susanne, who feel like outsiders as soon as they attend social events on their own. They fear not to be taken seriously without a man by their side, or being approached by unsympathetic men.

Many women in solid relationships have also not learned to treat themselves with some time-out, to spend hours or days by themselves, free of partners, family or everyday life. They simply do not know what to do with themselves, cannot deal with themselves, or have not interests and hobbies they could take up.

No idea how to arrange one’s life

Many women have no idea how to arrange their life joyfully. They think they can rely on being entertained, engaged or – worst case – dictated to by others. At the same time being on one’s own offers a great deal of advantages, such as

  • being flexible
  • acting self-determinedly
  • living independently and free
  • acting with self-responsibility
  • planning one’s time freely
  • being able to make spontaneous decisions
  • getting to know oneself better

Well, still not convinced? Maybe I should carry on with some more persuasiveness in one of my next blogs!

Women Women&Consciousness